Ruin Ur Kids R Us

Some folk just want to destroy their kids. While Mimic
Jon and Kate Gosselin of “John and Kate Plus 8” fame have raised destroying
children to new heights (lows?), too many parents use their estate plans to
accomplish similar heartache. Some folks plan their estates in ways that will
almost assure a will challenge, estrangement, or that there child will spend
the rest of his days bemoaning the evil done unto him. Here’s some good ways to
plan your estate to accomplish just that.

√Do a Leona! Leona Helmsley’s dog, trouble, was to
continue to live an opulent life, and then be buried alongside Leona in a
mausoleum and was bequeathed $12 million to keep him in Puppy Chow. Two of Leona’s
grandchildren supposedly received nothing from her estate. The sordid details
are pretty long.

√ Use your will and other estate planning documents to
formally “dis” a child. The words of your last will, letter of instruction and
related documents are viewed by many heirs as your partner words. Including
hurtful statements in these documents is almost always harmful and
inappropriate. “I leave nothing to my son Joe because he was disrespectful,
ungrateful, and married a witch.” While you might feel that way, the use of a
less harmful phrase like “I leave nothing to my son Joe for reasons best known
to me,” can accomplish the same legal objective of assuring that it wasn’t a
scrivener’s error that Joe was overlooked, without carving nastiness into
eternity.

√Not leaving the door open. Disinheriting a child
completely is often harsher than it needs to be.  Leaving a 5% tip to a waitress that wasn’t
great can get your point across, and might even encourage better service for
the next customer. In contrast, a -0- tip might just evoke anger and accomplish
little. No one has the right to tell you not to disinherit a child, but
consider the consequences and options. Might it be better if you have a $2
million estate and 4 children to leave the wayward son $50,000 or $100,000 and
state: “I have left $100,000 to Joe hoping that in time he will make peace with
himself and the memories we had,” or “I have left $100,000 to Joe to
acknowledge my love and affection for him and to express my sadness that our
relationship had not been closer.” Many lawyers will balk at this approach as
it might provide a opening for a challenge that may not have existed. However,
if it can mend an heirs heart, or prevent an heir from seething in anger for
his remaining lifetime, might it not be worthwhile?

√Leave disproportionate bequests. Leave your daughter
75% of your estate and your son 25% because you liked your daughter more. OK,
no one can tell you how to divide your estate, but what if the will left
everything equally and you made gifts to your daughter while you were alive, or
used life insurance in a trust, or some other mechanisms that were not “in your
son’s face” to favor your daughter. You don’t have to skin the estate
distribution cat in the most obvious and offensive way possible. Subtlety can
do much to preserve family peace.

√Disinherit someone based on who they marry. Nothing
like hating that son-in-law to stir the family pot. Consider instead a bequest
to a trust with a close friend or family member who understands your concerns
as trustee. Give the trustee absolute discretion over distributions to the
child and other beneficiaries, perhaps a charity. Your wishes might be carried
out without the blatant disinheritance or comments about a spouse. If the
marriage fails apart from your disappointment, then the trust can be their to
help your child move forward.

√Ignore the emotional value of tangible property.
Your wife, the mother of your children, died. You hold her jewelry and other
memorabilia, but on your death your will has a generic clause bequeathing all
personal property to your new wife. Your daughters will now never get the
memories of their mother, and worse, they have to watch your new wife wear
them.

√Ignore the religious preferences of your heirs. One
or more of your children have adopted a new faith, or perhaps are more
observant in the faith your family shares. Instead of insisting on actions
which will morally torment them, try to find more of a middle ground that is
not offensive to anyone. Sure, it is your life and your body and you can do as
you wish, but if you can achieve the goals that are really important to you
without upsetting surviving heirs, isn’t that preferable?